The
Etiquette Queen 
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d sawyer asked:
what is the proper etiquette for a house warming party? i am giving it for
myself. your response is appreciated.
The Etiquette Queen says:
What is it you specifically want to know? Write back and I'll help you.
chilka asked:
N What is an informal buffet or how can a buffet be informal? How is it
different from a formal buffet?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Informal buffets are done at a more casual party such as a costume one or a
casual dress party. The food is more casual such as pasta, salads, finger
food, etc. You usually don't have to find a place to sit to eat it. A formal
one is usually when the guests are more dressed, there is an actual meal
involved such as roast beef, fancy chicken, etc. and you need tables to sit
down to in order to eat with utensils.
Priscilla asked:
What is the best way to celebrate your 25th wedding anniversary?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I believe I already answered this. You have to decide if you want a party,
a trip a romantic weekend, participation of family and friends. It is a silver
anniversary it that helps.
Julie asked:
Can you please explain the purpose of guest towels. My boyfriend doesn't
understand why we are going to be using them for my 30th birthday party. Thank
you! I can't wait to print this out for him! I tried to explain, but hopefully
you'll do better.
The Etiquette Queen says:
The definition of guest towels is "towels used by guests." They
are not the everyday linen but usually monogrammed or specially designed, not
used for mundane occasions. How's that?
Marta asked:
I am the matron of honor for my dearest friend in the world. Here is my
question, what exactly are my responsibilities to her before, during and after
the wedding? Am I responsible for throwing her a shower? Do I also get her a
gift and then another for the two of them for their wedding? It isn't that I
don't want to give her a gift...just wondering?
The Etiquette Queen says:
One wedding gift is all that's needed. You might want to give a shower with
the other bridesmaids, feel free but it is not mandatory. Basically you are a
hand holder, shoulder to cry on, ear to listen, gofer for stuff. Anything she
needs up to the ceremony and then, whew, you're done.
carrie asked:
WE ARE HAVING A NEW YEARS PARTY AND I NEED SOME HELP WITH CATCHY THINGS FOR
OUR INVITATIONS. THE GUESTS WILL MAINLY BE 25 AND OLDER. IT IS A COCKTAIL
PARTY STARTING AT NINE. I ALSO WOULD LIKE SOME INPUT ON WHAT I SHOULD SERVE
AND IF I SHOULD HAVE A FULL BAR OR NOT.
The Etiquette Queen says:
The bar decisions are very personal. Usually for a New Year's Eve, there is
a choice of beverages but it is your party and you could choose to just have
beer and wine or just vodka or really anything. Personally I would go for
vodka, gin, beer, wine, scotch and soft drinks. Pretty much covers the
occasion, also setups and mixes. As for invitations, are you doing a theme? If
so, have the invites match. If not, do you want us to do them for you or you
can just look around for something different.
Vel asked:
HOW DOES ONE COMPILE A LIST OF PEOPLE WHOM WE WOULD LIKE TO SEND
INVITATIONS? WHO TO ELIMINATE? (LIKE YOUR FORMER EX-MOTHER-IN-LAW OR ONE WHO
SMOKES CIGARS, ETC.) IT COULD BE MADE FUNNY. THANK YOU IN ADVANCE, VEL LITT
The Etiquette Queen says:
I'm not sure I understand what you are asking. Try again.
Dawson asked:
I have planned a surprise anniversary party and invitations, etc. are made
and mailed. Out of town visitors have adjusted their schedules and blocked out
the definite date. However, due to miscommunication/scheduling, I really am
not sure, I had communicated the date etc. to the wife and the husband did not
receive the date until two days ago. He owns his own business and has
scheduled a trip on the specific surprise date. I am stuck, how do I approach
this type of situation. FYI, he will probably have a hard time getting someone
to take the trip for him. He will not get back until about 9:00 p.m. How do I
handle a surprise party without the other half attending?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Well, you don't have many choices. 1. Let him in on the surprise and see how
he can alter the arrangements. 2. Talk to his second in command and see if
that person can come up with a solution. 3. Have the surprise for her at one
time, and at 9 the surprise for him.
Heather asked:
I am really upset because my 20th Birthday is this weekend and my best
friend is throwing me a party. The problem is that my boyfriend, who I care
very deeply about, is hesitant to come. He says that he is worried about it
for various reasons. I think that the main reason is that he doesn't get along
very well with my best friend, but I don't really understand why. He says that
he will just not come and let me have fun with my other friends. This makes me
upset because I want to be able to share my life with him. I think that he is
afraid that I am going to abandon him for my other friends. I don't know if he
is being paranoid or if there is truly something that I can do to improve the
situation. I was wondering how I can act at this party so that I can include
everyone and not make him feel "second class". Thanks so much!
This is very important to me!
The Etiquette Queen says:
Why not invite some people he is friendly with also. That way you do not
have to stay at his side the entire party and he will have some people to feel
comfortable with.
adrienne asked:
my parents' Silver Anniversary is next month; they are renewing their vows.
It will be around 3pm; is potluck ok, or should we serve snacks rather than a
meal? Also thinking of a money tree in lieu of gifts. Is that ok?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Either way you can't go wrong but I would prefer to see a buffet so that
the guests can choose how heavy a meal they would like. I am not a fan of
asking for money.
La Vonne asked:
My parents have foster-adopted a boy who is now 3 years old. He has been in
their home since he was two months old. His adoption became final recently and
I would like to give an adoption part. Do you have any idea's?? I have
searched on the internet for ideas with no luck. Can you help????
The Etiquette Queen says:
Obviously you want to emphasis a welcome but since he has always been with
you, he's been your brother for quite some time. what does he love, Elmo.
Blues Clues, sports? Use one of these types of themes and get matching
decorations, favors, etc. See www.oriental.com for their catalogue. Make it
like a sort of birthday party. He's too young to understand what adoption
really is.
Maggie asked:
I am in a wedding this Friday the 17th, it's my best friend of year's, I
want to say something at her wedding, but I am not sure what or how to phrase
it she has always been like a sister to me been, and we have both been there,
in our up and downs and I cannot think of anyone who could even come close to
being like her I am not very good at words and just am not sure what or
how I should do this Do you have any advise? Please help.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Reread what you just wrote to me and then copy it down. Those are the words
you are searching for. They come from your heart.
Melanie asked:
What kind of etiquette is needed for a baby shower.
The Etiquette Queen says:
I don't understand what you are asking me. Be more specific
Annie asked:
We've just started planning my mother's retirement party for next June. A Caribbean
theme was suggested, where the guests would come dressed in Caribbean Attire, Caribbean/American food,
Caribbean decorations, a steel band, etc. The
invitations would also carry the theme. My question is, would this theme be
appropriate. My mother loves the Caribbean and she will be traveling there in
August, that's how the idea come about. The guests would consist of Board
Presidents (including mother), business heads, teachers, lawyers, etc.
Thanks.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Of course it's appropriate. This party is for your mom, not the rest of the
people. It should be all about your mom and her likes and if the people who
attend like your mom, they will like the party. Go for it!!!
Cinda asked:
I'm having a Halloween 30th birthday party. Some of my friend from out of
town already know about it. How early should I send out the invitations? Also,
I want to have it "bring your own beer" or whatever and a snack. Is
this appropriate, and if so, how do you word something like that on an
invitation?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Send them now so that out-of-towners have plenty of advance warning and
your friends and family get your invite before other Halloween parties. Put
the initials BYOB on the invite. (Stands for bring your own beer.) Don't ask
everyone to bring something. Those from out-or-town don't want to travel with
food.
Tori asked:
I need to think of some things to do for my 13th birthday party. I am
having it at a hotel and there is not much to do excepts swim! I have 3 weeks
and i am really running out of time . Please help me !! Thanx !
The Etiquette Queen says:
Have you looked at party411.com/themes at the bar/bat mitzvah section?
Perfect stuff for your age.
Michelle asked:
My sister is having a christening party this weekend which is being hosted
by my parents. My parents would like to serve alcohol to the guests but my
sister says "Absolutely Not" -- that this is a religious event and
alcohol should not be present. (However, she had a Catholic wedding with
alcohol at the reception, the little hypocrite!!) Anyway, my parents are
insisting and they say it is the right thing to do since the guests will be
bringing gifts and money for the baby. What do you think, O Queen?
The Etiquette Queen says:
If the party is before 5PM, no alcohol. If after 5, go ahead. It would be
appropriate to serve wine any time.
Joy asked:
I need information on vow reaffirmation ceremonies.
The Etiquette Queen says:
One place to check is with your religious leader if you want a religious
ceremony. Or, you can talk to a justice of the peace and create your own.
hostess? asked:
I'm matron of honor and am hosting a bachelorette party. The bride told me
that all the guests wanted to go to Vegas, before I had planned it. I found
out it was really the bride that wanted to go and some of the guests didn't
want to disappoint her and said they wanted to as well. There's a two day
minimum at the place where she wanted to stay and a whole weekend doesn't fit
in with my life right now. Some of the guests and myself would only be able to
attend one day. Plus some guests were going to drive, others who could afford
it, would fly. Then we would need rental cars, etc .Am I wrong in feeling
upset that the bride is planning her own party? secondly, what does the
hostess (myself) bring for the bride/ guests? gifts? do I/we as a group pay
for the bride? if yes, just the hotel or everything ,food, drinks, etc. and at
what price range? Finally, the bride said she purchased gifts and things for
the guests to make sure they have a good time. I feel as though s! ! he
doesn't have any faith in my ability to make it fun? or am I just being
sensitive? thank-you for your response.
The Etiquette Queen says:
I wouldn't just be upset, I would be livid. How presumptuous of her. If she
wants to go to Vegas with some friends, let her do it but don't
"guilt" someone into it. Sounds like she is giving her own
bachelorette party. So let her. Just be one of the guests and forget about the
"hosting" role.
Janet asked:
My daughter just became engaged and is planning a wedding in the spring. My
husband and I have never met the groom-to-be's parents. My question is who
initiates the meeting. As the mother of the bride to I send a handwritten note
to the fiancé's parents? Or is it up to the groom-to-be to make arrangements
to introduce his parents? They live in anther city, about 1 hour from our
hometown. Thank you.
The Etiquette Queen says:
I wouldn't stand on ceremony. Pick up a phone and call them and introduce
yourself and invite them to come for dinner. Then either have a dinner at your
home for your daughter, her fiancé, his parents and any siblings on both sides
or go to a restaurant. Don't stand on ceremony, these are people who will be
in your daughter's life from now on.
Sammy asked:
What is the appropriate balloon colors for a boy's 18th birthday.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Any color(s) you would like. No rules.
Dawson asked:
I am trying to plan a wine & cheese party which in turn will ultimately
be combined with a 27th year surprise anniversary party. How do I put into
words that people are invited to a wine & cheese party, however, it is
also a surprise anniversary party? I am really trying to keep it as a
surprise. Where and how do I start?
The Etiquette Queen says:
If you don't care if the guests bring presents, surprise everyone at the
same time. Just invite everyone to a wine and cheese party and when everyone
gets there, make the announcement. Have put away some thing appropriate for
the anniversary. Get a photo of their wedding pic and one today and have a
Kinko's or copy center blow them up together. Have all the guests sign it.
Take Polaroid's of all the people and post them on a board. Tell relatives
ahead verbally and have them write down some great memories and read them at
the party.
Basil asked:
My girlfriend's parents are planning their 50th wedding anniversary and my
girl friend prefer I make the toast and a speech instead of her brother,
brother in-law and other family members. I need help in preparing the speech as
I do not want to disappoint the family.
The Etiquette Queen says:
This is entirely inappropriate. Not that you are not a good person and
close to the family, but of all the people at the party, you are not in the
top 5. Either a family member or their best friend should speak.
John asked:
My wife and I are hosting the wedding rehearsal dinner for my son and fiancé. My first wife (and mother of my son) will be at the dinner which will
be for about 65 people in a restaurant. I'm going to do a toast and welcome
everybody but I'm not sure if I should mention my X by name when I mention the
bride's parents and my wife's names. Is there a general welcome I can do that
won't hurt anyone's feelings? Thanks.
The Etiquette Queen says:
No matter what her relationship is to you, she is your son's mother and
deserves all the same recognition as if you were both still married. Give a
separate toast for her and one for your wife.
dee asked:
I want to find out how to make my own birthday party invitations for my
little girls birthday party. Do you have any idea how I can find out how to do
this with my computer. Please help I have looked for a solid week for this!
The Etiquette Queen says:
A couple of suggestions. Is there a Kinko's or CopyMax near you. They have
the different papers and instructions. There is also a program called
PhotoDeLuxe for either Mac or IBM. It's great for making invitations, cards,
using photos, etc. and available in computer stores.
Connie asked:
My husband and I have been asked to be godparents for a friend's baby girl.
What are our responsibilities and what would be an appropriate gift?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Your responsibilities are to help guide her while growing up and be there
for her. If you don't care about being practical, get a silver rattle and have
it engraved.
Paul asked:
Our daughter is a candle lighter in our friends' wedding. We have already
given a gift at a bridal shower, and now are invited to a bride's luncheon.
Are we expected to give another gift?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I wouldn't think so but check with your hostess.
MACKENZIE asked:
I WOULD LIKE SOME IDEAS ON A FEB-MARCH WEDDING. MY FIANCÉ AND I ARE IN A
CONFLICT--I WOULD PREFER A JAZZ BAND AND HE WOULD PREFER COUNTRY MUSIC. WE
WOULD LIKE TO DEVELOP A THEME TO COMPLIMENT OUR WEDDING WHILE ALSO
COMPLIMENTING BOTH OF OUR TASTES AND STYLES. ANY IDEAS ???
The Etiquette Queen says:
Well, you could not pick more opposing music. If you have the money, have
both and let them take turns. Would be interesting. Think about an entire
evening of either of those and maybe compromise with a "down the
middle" sound band that can play anything and the dancing would be
easier.
Jackie asked:
My church is having an afternoon tea for approx. 50 ladies. Would it be
proper to serve the tea from a large urn? Our church has a very nice large
silver urn.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Of course, it would be the only way to do it. You might want to have one or
two smaller teapots just in case there is a rush at some point.
Darlene asked:
I have scheduled a "tea" party for my daughter, age 7. we are
inviting 8 girls. We will need to drive to the location (about 25 miles). My
sisters will help chauffer the girls to the party, do i need to explain this
in the invitations.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Not if you say the party starts at your house. If everyone is meeting
there, no explanation is necessary about the driving arrangements. But with
children so young, you should share the details with the moms so that they
have no worries.
Kelley asked:
Everyone tells me that I must remove my engagement ring from the ring
finger on my left hand during my upcoming wedding ceremony. Then replace it
once my wedding band has been placed there. My dilemma is that no one
seems to know why this is the custom. Is this, in fact, only a custom? Or, is
there some significance for this practice? Thank you for your insight.
The Etiquette Queen says:
The only history for this is that the wedding band should be closer to your
heart, therefore goes before the engagement ring.
Meegin asked:
Ok, my 16th birthday is on Sept. 7th, and today's Sept. 5th. Is there any
way I can plan a deck party for the weekend after the 18th? I need some MAJOR
help!! I'd appreciate any help. Thank you.
The Etiquette Queen says:
You can do anything you put your mind to if you want it badly enough Look
at the home site at party411.com/themes for suggestions and look at
www.oriental.com for decorations, favors, etc.
Han asked:
I'm getting ready to plan a huge sweet 16 bash, but i don't know what to do
first or second or what to do at all. Do you think you could maybe set up a
check list or anything to get me a little organization. Thanx~!
The Etiquette Queen says:
First of all, talk to you mom and have her help you. You can't do it
yourself. Make a list of guests. Think of a theme Figure out a budget. Think
of all the things you would like to do for the party and find out how much
they cost and if they are available. Look at your budget and find out what you
can afford. Figure out where to have it and make the arrangements. Find stuff
to go with your theme (try our site or www.oriental.com) Get stuff Make a time
schedule of what needs to be done and work out the times backwards. Don't
forget the food. Do a candle ceremony. Need more help, write back.
Tisha asked:
We are trying to plan a fun filled night for New Years Eve. The problem is
that we have a neighbor who has in the past been a friend. When she comes over
she brings both her husband and boyfriend and ends up putting us in the
middle. We have decided to try and put some space in-between us all for
sanity's sake. How can we not invite her to this party without coming off as
uncaring and cold?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Sit her down and explain it as it is. You like her but not being in the
middle of her romantic triangle. Tell her that when she has decided which man
she wants to be with permanently and acts on that decision, you can be social
again. Until then, it's too uncomfortable for you.
Cin asked:
My husband & I purchased our home almost a year ago. We'd like to have
a party but are apprehensive because our carpet is off white and we are
worried about it getting ruined. We don't wear our shoes in the house but we
realize other people do. Any suggestions?
The Etiquette Queen says:
the only way to get around the whole thing is to have a Japanese theme and
have people remove their shoes at the door and provide those little sandals.
Kan asked:
I need help planning a 21st birthday party for my son. Would like to invite
about 50 friends and family. On a Saturday in March 3-7pm. I need an
inexpensive menu and decorations.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Look at party411.com/themes and decide that first. Once you've done that,
look at www.oriental.com for inexpensive decorations and favors. The food
should go with the theme.
Joann asked:
I need something very special and appropriate for a "sweet
16"birthday. The reasoning for the special-very-special advice is for a
"separation/reconciled" parent who wants the best for her first born. Anyhow, the etiquette needed is for dealing with the family with such a
large and special event to plan in Dec.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Talk to her about the candle ceremony. She chooses 16 different people or
groups and calls them up to light a candle and tells how they have had an
influence on her. She can use music or just her own words. It's lovely and
touching and usually the most memorable part of the party.
Angel asked:
Hubby is best man at brothers wedding, Traditional Catholic. Where does the
wife of best man sit? Wife isn't in wedding party :( Thanks
The Etiquette Queen says:
You sit on the groom's side of the church during the ceremony. If they have
any class, you will sit with your husband at the reception.
Tyneshia Royal asked:
I'm planning a tenth birthday party for my son. His B-day is Jan. 2 so I
would like to throw a Millennium party as well. How many kids should I invite,
should it be a sleepover. This is a major milestone in both areas, so I would
like it to be a blast. Any ideas for me?
The Etiquette Queen says:
the usual rule of thumb is one child invited for each year so in this case
the max should be 10. If you're not too tired from New Year's Eve, have a
sleepover but remember, the longer they are there, the more you will have to
think of to do. Videos and eating only go do far.
Phil asked:
Thanks for answering my question about the appropriateness of
congratulating brides when they get married. Since you mentioned that you only
congratulate the man for an engagement, what is appropriate to say to a woman
who has just become engaged? And could you please also explain why there is a
difference in what is appropriate? Thanks.
The Etiquette Queen says:
First of all, I didn't make the rules, nor do I know who did. Most of them
are just ritual and not really wrong or right. You could wish the bride
happiness. These things usually have some motive at the start like not walking
under a ladder (you might get hit with something). I don't know this one but
if you are really interested, go to the library and speak with the librarian
about finding this info.
Anne asked:
who plans an engagement party and can it be held at the brides mother's
house
The Etiquette Queen says:
Any friend or relative of the bride and/or groom can plan an engagement
party. I, personally, had 6 planned and given for me. The place doesn't matter
that much but the bride's mother should not be a hostess.
Cassandra asked:
Hello. I am planning my Sweet Sixteen / Coming out Party. (a Combination of
both) I know everything that goes on with Sweet Sixteen as far as Candle
lighting ceremonies and everything but i am not sure as to what exactly
happens at a Coming out Party except that there are ladies in waiting and
escorts. I know that you will know more about this and hopefully help me out
with as much info as possible. Thank you for taking the time to read this and
respond! Cassandra
The Etiquette Queen says:
they usually have some things in common such as long white dresses,
fathers escorting, coming down a staircase or thru large doors, being
presented, etc. Check with the hosts of the party for your particulars.
Angela asked:
I am getting married in April. My parents live out of town and are coming
to visit in September. They want to throw an engagement party for me and my fiancé'. Who should be invited? We have a 200 person guest-list for the
wedding, do they all get invites to this party also? Are guests going to bring
gifts to this party as well as the bridal showers and the wedding? Is that too
much to ask? We were thinking of a buffet dinner in a private room in a
restaurant. Any suggestions on decorating? party activities? etc?
The Etiquette Queen says:
No gifts should go to an engagement party. They should be sent at wedding
presents or brought to a shower. If the invite says it's to celebrate your
engagement, that should be clear. Where are you getting married? If it's where
your folks live, invite the people where you live now. If you are getting
married where you live now, invite anyone you wish. As for themes, decorating,
etc. look at party411.com/themes for ideas.
Carol Doyon asked:
I am trying to plan a anniversary party for 40 and I am looking for tips
and recipes with buying needs for the recipes. I am also looking for
invitations that may ask guests to bring dishes and is this appropriate to ask
guests to bring dishes in their invitations. Thank you.
The Etiquette Queen says:
This is why having a computer is so great. You probably won't find
invitations that say exactly what you want them to so create one on your
computer with their photo on the cover. Inside give the date, time, place,
occasion, rsvp and tell them the plan for everyone bringing a dish. When the
guest calls, discuss what dish they should bring so that you have all the menu
bases covered. You should provide the beverages, ice, paper goods, snacks such
as chips, pretzels, dips, etc. and the anniversary cake.
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