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My Best Friend's Funeral

A Send-Off for the Sein-Off of Seinfeld

May 14, 1998

Well, it's over.  The last episode of Seinfeld has aired, and we are now left with summer reruns and syndication.  Another mark in television history.  In memory of Jerry, Elaine, Kramer and George--we are going to leave up our "event" below for a proper mourning period.

If you didn't celebrate, mourn or otherwise honor the occasion, you may want to go ahead and read this "prescription" for a great Seinfeld send-off. In addition, we are leaving up the Seinfeld trivia contest (and answers, of course).

• Seinfeld Fans: Check out the answers to the Seinfeld Sein-Off Trivia Quiz

By the way, if you did host a Seinfeld soiree, we would very much like to "put up" your party and some of your photographs. Just e-mail us (sbrand@party411.com) a description of how it went, complete with any details and fascinating tidbits you think might be of interest!   Don't forget to send photos, too. You can either e-mail JPEG/JPG photos as an attachment, or send them via snail mail to: Party411, 4949 Galaxy Parkway, Suite G, Cleveland, Ohio, 44128, USA . We'll be glad to return the photos to you.

• Check out a real Seinfeld Sein-Off Party with a photo scrapbook!
• Get a load of Tina's Seinfeld Sein-Off Party too!

I am not sure how the tradition got started...maybe it started with Lucy and Desi when little Ricky was born. Or perhaps with JR, and the mystery of who shot him. Or the last episode of "Mash." I'm just not sure, but it has become the "norm" (we can thank the last episode of "Cheers" for that!) to celebrate when something happens in TV-land that's bigger than us all.

Is "celebrate" the right word when it comes to the last episode of Seinfeld? I don't think so. After all, we are saying good-bye to people we invited into our living rooms every Thursday night for the past 9 years. In fact, truth be told, most of us relate better to Seinfeld than we do to most of our friends. I won't tell if you won't.

And how will we survive this crisis? We will go on, but first we will mourn. We will gather. We will cry. We will wail. We will talk about the good times. Like Elaine's Christmas card. Or George's morbidly obese wallet. Kramer's male bra. And Jerry's dates.

We will argue over which episodes are in the top ten: "The Invitation," "The Non-Fat Yogurt," "The Marine Biologist," "The Opposite," The Fuscilli," "The Pez Dispenser," and so on and so forth.

And we will laugh and think back to when Kramer wrote his coffee table book; or when Jerry couldn't remember the name of the woman he was dating--only that it rhymed with a body part; when Elaine ended up with that armoire with all the Soup Nazi's recipes; or when George gained confidence because of his "hair hat."

In other words, invite your friends over for a mock funeral. (You were going to have a Seinfeld sein-off anyway, right?).

Invitation

Very important. You want to set the tone, and the invitation does that for you!

Graphic: a television set with "Sein-Off Send-Off" written across the screen.

Copy below graphic:

You are invited to mourn at
My Best Friends' Funeral
7:30 p.m.
Thursday, May 14, 1998"

Everyone must wear black.
Flowers can be sent to: your address
Donations should be made to: NBC (they're going to need it)

Don't forget to include your address and response information. If you would rather not field the RSVPs by phone, include a response card with your name and address printed on the back :

M___________________________________

____I/we will be happy to Sein-off with you.

____Sorry, I/we want to be alone at this time

One last thing. Include a package of tissues with the invitation.

After all, this is a sad occasion, and you want your guests to be prepared.

Decor(um)

Shrine. A must. Pick a corner of the room that's obvious but also a place where friends can be alone with their thoughts. Pictures of the cast (decorated with silk flowers and such), candles, horseshoe-shaped wreaths on those long tall easels with "So long Jerry and the gang" written across them, an old remote, old TV guides and a calendar with every Thursday circled. Put easy chairs in front of the shrine in a half circle. (If you don't have one that's okay; if you only have one, that's okay, too. But if you want to rent some, because, well, Jerry deserves it--call your nearest Rent-a-Center).

Fill the room with boxes of tissues and lots of stools and chairs (hopefully, each with a good sight line to the TV). If well-wishers don't send flowers, you may want to fill the room yourself. Don't go crazy, though...what if Jerry changes his mind? At $5 million an episode, he just might!

One last thing. Don't forget to put a guest book at the door. Very important when you send your thank you notes to those who attended.

Menu

Easy. And necessary. For the full effect and a great Sein-off send-off, try this:

• First course: Soup (from the Soup Nazi) served with Marble Rye and Muffin Tops;
• Second course: A Big Salad with Mango
• Third course: the Calzone of your choice and several choices of cereal
• Dessert:
  • Non-fat yogurt
  • Chocolate Bobka
  • Drake's Coffee Cakes
  • Jujyfruits
  • Junior Mints

The Party Girl suggests you set everything out on a big buffet (after all, this is a funeral). Let people help themselves. Don't forget plasticware. Black is available at your local party store, but white from your nearest grocery stores works just fine.

Extra added bits and pieces (not necessary but ...)

1. decorate the TV by wrapping it in black
     
2. rent a coat rack and folding chairs (for a true funeral atmosphere)
     
3. if you are Jewish, cover the mirrors and put out pitchers of water
     
4. before and after the show, offer activities to help your guests take their minds off the inevitable:

1. set up an area where people can slide into the room like Kramer
2. name 15 date situations that Jerry found himself in
3. name 10 "boyfriend" situations Elaine found herself in
4. name 5 job situations George found himself in
5. name 1 normal situation Kramer found himself in

And, of course, have your computer available to any and all so they can e-mail their thoughts to Jerry and NBC (Seinfeld@nbc.com). Or if you're not into high-tech stuff, put up a blank mural and let your friends "sein-off," and mail it to

SEINFELD
Castle Rock Productions
4024 Radford Avenue
Suite 204, Bldg. 5
Studio City, CA 91604

Okay. So that's it. We bid adieu to Jerry and Elaine, Kramer and George, and last but not least--Newman. We will go on, yet we will live for the reruns.

For more information, go to http://www.NBC.com/tvcentral/shows/seinfeld, and see what all the fuss is about. And if you really like your friends, you can purchase Seinfeld baseball jerseys, ballcaps, Kramer and/or Seinfeld t-shirts and more at http://www.NBC.com/shop/tvshows.

Other Seinfeld Sein-Off Links

• Showbiz TV on CNN
• The Seinfeld FINAL Episode Creator
• The Seinfeld E-Mail on CNN