The
Etiquette Queen 
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carlotta asked:
Upon receiving a "birth announcement" from an expecting couples
first baby, what is the proper response protocol. Some personal considerations
are a cook-out w/"congrats & good health" toast or some type of
appropriate gift. Thank you for assisting.
The Etiquette Queen says:
It all depends upon who close you are and how you feel. There is no one
response to an announcement. It could be as easy as a note of acknowledgment
to a baby present. A dinner is not necessary.
Tracy Delcour asked:
Can Cold Cuts be served as a meal at a retirement party after 6:00PM.?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Of course, add slaw, potato salad, pickles, olives, peppers, etc. Get
different kinds of breads and alternate them to make it pretty.
Betty asked:
When at a super formal dinner with the multitude of silverware. How do you
know what to use when. I know the rule of thumb is work your way in from the
outside. But when they have them on both sides and the top? Finger bowls?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Finger bowls are obviously for the fingers and not silverware. Watch others
and use them then. I personally find them pretentious. The top silverware is
for dessert and the rest is like you said, outside, in.
Mar Hope asked:
I am throwing a birthday party for my husband this weekend. We just got
married last August and this is our first real party as a married couple. I
have sent the invites by e-mail as it is quite usual with his friends and
co-workers. I don't have a lot of $$ but want to decorate somehow. Any ideas?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Well, don't wait to the last minute or anything. Check out
party411.com/themes for some ideas and be sure to look at the new products
area.
Rebecca asked:
Hi. I am having a surprise party for my best friend. 12 people are coming,
for 2 hours. First, what kind of games can we play w/girls AND guys? And
second, what do you think I should tell my best friend to get her to come to
my house so I can surprise her? Please answer as soon and possible
The Etiquette Queen says:
I don't know the age of the attendees but you might want to check
party411.com/gameguide for some ideas. As for tricking her to come over, you
could always use the "Just got something new and you need to see it right
now" or plan to go somewhere and as soon as you get together, remember
something you left at home, like a wallet and go get it.
jack asked:
After the proposal, when should an engagement party take place, who to
invite, what to do, blah, blah, blah? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
The Etiquette Queen says:
The party can take place anytime between the asking and the actual
marriage. There are many sorts of parties, ones for the couples friends, one
for the parents and their friends, ones for the two families to get
acquainted. Decide what you want to accomplish with the party and go for it.
The type can be anything from a formal dinner, to a cocktail party, to an
outdoor barbeque, whatever you feel like. As long as the host and hostess don't
try to impress others and do something the couple would enjoy. Start with
talking to them, picking a date and a theme and ask them for a list of guests.
Be sure to tell them how many you can handle and get the addresses from them.
Give yourself 6 weeks or more if you can. Once all of that is decided, check
party411.com/themes for some ideas or write back for help.
Ed asked:
Is the charger plate taken away after the soup course, or does it remain
through the entire meal
The Etiquette Queen says:
Usually the charger is taken before any food is served but surely after the
soup.
Regina asked:
Every year a professor of mine has an 'eye-of-the-graduation' cocktail
party for graduates at his home. He's essentially a mentor to me. His wife is
absolutely wonderful. This year I attended the party as a graduate. I want to
send them a thank you note. I'm wondering if it is appropriate to refer to
personal conversations that I had in the note. Essentially his wife was trying
to recruit me to volunteer for an organization in which she's actively
involved. I'd love to follow-up with her in a few weeks on that idea. I just
don't want my thank you note to have the air of being too familiar in tone,
since I've only met her twice.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Do you feel like her friend or acquaintance? How close do you want to
become with her? Are you really interested in this organization? Once you
answer these questions to your own satisfaction, you will know where the boundaries
are for the note. Usually a good rule of thumb is the three-part
approach. The first sentence thanks for the party. The second and possibly the
third make some specific reference to what you enjoyed and the last sentence
restates the thank-you.
Linda asked:
I'm planning a surprise 50th b'day party for my husband. It is going to be
a week before his b'day which will actually be Halloween weekend. Perfect for
a costume party. I would like to do a 50's theme and have guest dress up in
50's clothing. Maybe have a 50's diner and serve hot dogs and hamburgers. The
event is going to be held in an armory so I will have plenty of room for
decorations. I need some decorating ideas and places to buy them. Can you
offer any other suggestions for games or entertainment?
The Etiquette Queen says:
First of all, think "Happy Days" and all of what they did on that
show. Check out www.oriental.com for decorations and favors that would work.
See if you can find a picture of a juke box and blow it up to life size and
mount it. Get a picture of your husband and blow it up and mount it. Make
number 50's out of paper and play "Pin the Age on the (his name). Have
dance contests like they did in the 50's and play some of the music. Check out
party411.com/themes and /gameguide for some ideas.
Liesl Richina asked:
My 16th birthday is in five days. I hadn't given any thought to giving a
party until today when I realized that I really would like to celebrate my
"Sweet Sixteen". Its my understanding that traditionally the
"Sweet Sixteen" marks an adolescent girl's coming-out as a debutante.
This is not so in my case but I wondered if there was any old tradition to
follow with it-like what kind of cake or what color to wear or how many
guests. obviously this cant be a large-scale production because the time frame
is so slim but I would like to honor any old traditions I can, if any exist.
The Etiquette Queen says:
The only tradition is that you get up that morning and people tell you
happy birthday. Why not have a belated party? After all, you'll be 16 for an
entire year.
Jessenia Marie D'La Fuente asked:
My sister is going to celebrate her sweet sixteen this October. What are
some good ideas for her party she wants formal attire?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Check out party411.com/themes for some ideas. You can incorporate just
about any theme into a formal affair with a little imagination. For instance,
have a black and white millennium Ball with everything in black and white,
including the guests.
BEVERLY asked:
WHEN SETTING A BANQUET TABLE WHERE A BOTTLE OF RED WINE & WHITE WINE
WILL BE ON THE TABLE FOR GUESTS. HOW ARE THE GLASSES PLACED.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Go to the library and find a book on formal dining. It will have pictures
which, as we all know, are worth 1000 words
jan asked:
Comments = How do you set a formal table?
The Etiquette Queen says:
It's easier to see it than to explain it. Go to the library and look for a
book on formal dining and it will have pictures. Or try that catagory on the
internet. A few things to remember, forks on left, spoons and knives on right
(some silver at top of plate. Courses are eaten from the tableware outside to
inside. Centerpieces should never be in the way of your guests speaking to
each other.
Nancy asked:
Help! Planning a graduation party for my boyfriend's daughter - how do I
keep drugs and alcohol from the party? I have printed up labels for the
invitations that read "Please refrain from bringing alcohol or any
controlled substance to the party. Thank you-" - What do you think? Is
this rude to do this? Many of the invitees are not my choice and quite frankly
not very aware of anti-alcohol and drug movement. Also - there are a few
recovering alcohols that will be at this party. Any ideas other then the label
in the invitation?
The Etiquette Queen says:
First of all, where will the adults be before, during and after the party?
When my kids had parties, I was there. No one could come in with substances of
any kind. If they left to get high, they didn't get back in. It is up to you
to take control from the beginning. Ask some of your friends to be there to
help. Tell the honoree that she should put the word out about the rules.
Patricia asked:
I would like to know how to organize my daughters sweet sixteen party?
The Etiquette Queen says:
First, check out www.partygirl.com/themes for some ideas. Ask you daughter
what she would like to do, sometimes moms forget that part. Then if you need
help, write back.
Danielle Clark asked:
We are using the traditional bride/groom monogram on the thank you notes
that we will send after the wedding and on the napkins at the reception. Is it
inappropriate to use this monogram on the program used at the ceremony? What
are the etiquette rules regarding the shared monogram?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Of course use it. there are no official rules but since you are joining in
every other sense of the word, what's a monogram? Best of luck1
yvonne asked:
Is it appropriate to present awards/certificates (at a community
gathering-picnic style of families, children, community leaders, firefighters
& emergency personnel) to individuals and organizations who have helped
victims of disaster?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Of course, this is the least you could do for these brave people.
Beki Vergara asked:
Mother/Daughter banquet We are having a mother daughter banquet and I need
ideas on games to play. Most of the mothers are very shy and it is hard for
them to get into the "mood" to play. At this moment, I can take
anything!
The Etiquette Queen says:
Check out the party411.com/gameguide for some ideas. One idea is for each
mother to bring a baby picture of their daughter and put them on a board
(numbered) and see who can get the most right.
Larena Berger asked:
Do spouses sit at the head table with their elected officer spouses at a
banquet. Does it make a difference if they know no else at the banquet?
The Etiquette Queen says:
The most polite and family/organization friendly way to seat people is with
their spouses regardless of knowing anyone or not. The practice of not sitting
together is an old snobby tradition in New York and a White House tradition in
Washington.
Renee Jones asked:
My sister and I are throwing a 50th Wedding Anniversary Party for our
Parents, we are not asking for gifts, do we need to state this on our
invitations. I know you can for wedding or birthday invitations, but do you
also need to on an anniversary invitation? Personally I think it's a little
"tacky" to say "No GIFTS PLEASE" To me it makes it look
like I'm looking for gifts. Could you please let me know what's proper in the
case of an Anniversary Celebration? Especially a 50th, they have everything!
The Etiquette Queen says:
In lieu of gifts, have your guests send you pictures of your folks from the
past and include a good story or memory. Put these into an album for your
parents. Tell the guests what you are doing.
mary-ann somers asked:
I am the godparent of a friend's baby boy. The christening (Episcopalian I think) is
this week. What are my responsibilities. What kind of a gift I am
supposed/should I get for him????
The Etiquette Queen says:
When I was named godparent, I bought the baby a silver baby rattle engraved
with the name and date of birth. Your responsibilities are to take over in
case something happens to the parents. You other responsibilities are just to
love the baby.
Virginia asked:
My daughter is receiving her First Communion. Another girl from school and
her CCD class invited her to a First Communion party at her house on the
afternoon of First Communion. I have never heard of children's friends being
invited. I thought it was usually family and immediate friends of the family.
Is my daughter supposed to bring a gift?? How do we know what they expect??
The Etiquette Queen says:
Well, there's always a first for everything. Ask some of the other mothers
what they are going to do. I don't think there any rules here.
Denise asked:
I work with a large group of nurses and I'm having a party for one whom is
a good friend of mine. How do I tactfully ask others if they would donate for
her gift certificate and if they are coming?
The Etiquette Queen says:
when you do the inviting, whether by written invitation or word of mouth,
you tell them about the certificate and ask if they are going to attend.
Leah Bearden asked:
My sister and I have decided to through our mother a surprise birthday
party. She will be 50. Is inappropriate to get a male stripper? My father does
not have a problem with it but my aunt finds it offensive. We think she will
get a kick out of it. What should we do? Thanks -Leah
The Etiquette Queen says:
You have to really think about your mother's reaction. Some friends of mine
did this at a restaurant for my birthday and I didn't like it. It would have
worked better in a home.
Marian asked:
I am an only child and it's my parents 40th Anniversary. I live out of
state from them and will be having a baby a few weeks prior to their
anniversary. I would like to have a card shower for them (where people just
send cards to them). How do I go about letting friends and family know about
this? Do I send out announcements? If so, how do you word this? Thanks.
The Etiquette Queen says:
If they live in your town. call them or if you want to call long distance
do that. For those you can't call, drop a semi-formal note stating the
occasion, your intentions, and hope that they will participate. Be sure to
include the mailing deadline. Or you can have all the replies sent to you and
you could wrap them all like a present and send this to your parents.
Joy asked:
who gives a house warming party...for a new home...the home owner, close
family or friends...can a mom (of the new home owner) give the party? thank you
The Etiquette Queen says:
Anyone who wants to may give a party any time they would like. That's the
nice thing about giving. it's up to the giver.
Lacey asked:
I need some ideas for wedding favors for my guests. The wedding is going
to be in Las Vegas and I am from Canada. So, the favors have to be small
enough to take down there or else easy to assemble the day before the wedding.
Thank-you, Lacey
The Etiquette Queen says:
I never heard of giving favors at a wedding. The guests may want to take
home a slice of wedding cake so you need little boxes for that. See if the
person providing the cake has them.
Carmen asked:
I would like to know if it would be proper for me to address my son's high
school announcements or she he do it himself. I know calligraphy and his hand
writing is tiny and you can barely read it. Thank you.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Well Mom, I see no reason you can't do the addressing but may I make a
suggestion. Don't make them too fancy and trade something with your son for
it, like a car wash
B. Burns asked:
Is there a book or outline/guide for planning events during a Debutante
Ball or Cotillion? Is there a difference in the events that occur during
a Debutante Ball vs. a Debutante Cotillion?
The Etiquette Queen says:
A Deb ball is where young ladies are officially presented to society. A
cotillion is a fancy word for a fancy dance. As far as rules, there are no
specific rules for a cotillion but a deb ball has tradition and order to it.
This may vary in different parties of the country. The best way to find out is
to ask people who were involved in it before. There are guidelines and they
can be found in the library.
tiffany allen asked:
My husband's best friend's brother is graduating from college on May 8th.
We are pretty close to the whole family and we are also going to the
graduation. My question: What do you get a 21 year old male for graduation. I
would appreciate gift ideas and if I do not go with a gift what is the appreciate
amount of money to give. Thanks, I will be waiting for an answer.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Find out where he likes to shop and give him something from that store. If
you would rather give money, it would depend upon your financial
circumstances. The amount is not as important as the thought although I would
not give less than $50.
Tabitha asked:
What is the proper way to request gift certificates , on an invitation ?
The Etiquette Queen says:
There's no proper way other than to say it straight out with a sense of
humor and some cleverness
Deborah asked:
Dear Etiquette Queen, Is it appropriate to send an extra note in the
high school graduation announcement telling the recipient where the graduate
is going to attend college and what they will be studying?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Of course, if you know them well enough to send the announcement, then they
should be interested in the future.
L. Urbanski asked:
My son is graduating from college and we are not having a party. I would
like to send announcements without soliciting gifts. How and to whom do I send
announcements?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I have never received an announcement for a college graduation. Why not
just tell those who won't already know.
Lauren asked:
My best friend is going to be in London for her birthday, and no one else
but her boyfriend has bothered to give her a gift (even that was small and
inexpensive). Should I get a gift for her or bypass it for a "Happy
Birthday"? What would be an appropriate gift to give in this instance?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Best Friends are just that, best friends. If that's what you are, of course
give her something. Maybe something to take on her trip.
Nadeen asked:
My Aunt and Uncle are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, we were
asked to come up with an appropriate grace for the meal. Everyone was married
in either the Anglican or United Church... Any suggestions or Help?? I can't
find any information at all on it.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Contact a pastor from either church for suggestions.
Penelope asked:
I am having a 50th anniversary party for my parents. We would like to have
a money tree. How should I let the guests know this information in the proper
manner? Thank You
The Etiquette Queen says:
I am not familiar with this tradition but I guess I would put that info in
the invitation.
robert asked:
help CORPORATE RETIREMENT PARTY I AM A MAN AND CLUELESS Please help me
with a)Seating arrangement b)getting started at the banquet c)speaches who and
when d)Order of events etc anything you can assist me with would be helpful p.s. any suggestion as to gift (male) finances limited
The Etiquette Queen says:
a)if there are couples, naturally seat them together. I don't think you
need assigned seats. People naturally sit with who they want to. b)After
cocktails and hors d'oeuvres have the maitre 'd announce dinner and everyone
should sit down. You could have a toast before the meal but that usually comes
later. Your choice. c)Who is whoever you choose and who would like to do it.
Always fun to have someone with a comedic touch start and a serious one end
up. Don't twist any arms and be sure to ask the head person if they want to
say a few words. d)usual order is cocktails, dinner, speeches, presentations,
if any, then music and dancing if planned. Find out what sports he plays i.e.
golf, tennis, or hobbies and buy something appropriate for that. It could be
anything but not a plaque (no one likes them)
Heidi Cox asked:
My dearest friend of 23 years is finally getting married I am the matron of
honor and only attendant the date is Feb 5, 2000. Am I responsible for the bachelorette
party and shower? I am a stay at home mom and on a budget with the
expense of being in the wedding, parties and wedding gift I don't know how much
I will be able to afford/do especially so close to Christmas Please help.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Get together with all the girls you would invite to such a party (only one
is necessary) and all of you decide to pay your own way and split any other
costs. Usually it's either a shower or a bachelorette party. Pick one. And you
can keep the expenses down.
chey asked:
I'm planning a get to know your neighbors party for all the new and old
people in the neighborhood, what would be some good games and especially a
very good ICEBREAKER?? I'm not too into the bingo type you have posted, if you
could notify me by this Friday
The Etiquette Queen says:
Why not have everyone guess each other's name? Pass a sheet of paper
listing all the attendees and blank lines to fill in descriptions. They at
least have to look at each other. Have prizes for the winners. Pass out
bottles of bubbles (get from a dollar store) and see who can be the most
creative. Also bubble gum. Getting the picture?
Laura asked:
I am a caterer waiter. I serve at a multitude of events in the Pittsburgh
area. I know it is proper to wait until EVERYONE at the table is finished
eating before I remove their dinner dishes, However....Is there exceptions to
that rule? I almost always find that there is that ONE person who is
exceptionally slow and it holds up our next course. The caterers have
everything planned in a timely manner and ready behind the scenes for us
waiters to keep things moving at a reasonable pace. I am always sooo tempted
to remove everyone but the slowpokes. What do you think?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I worked for a caterer at one time. If all but one are finished, remove
their empty place and move ahead.
Betty asked:
I'm having a sixteenth birthday and I only want about 10 girls and 1 boy to
go. I want to go somewhere special but am not sure what to do...I don't want to
stay at home, and I want to do something interesting and out of the usual what
should I do?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Betty, I don't get the 10 girls and 1 boy part. Can't think of anything too
different with this group. Need more info, day or night, budget,
transportation?
Mary Steitz asked:
Is it proper etiquette to have a game at a bridal shower and get a gift
from answering correctly and then having to turn the gift over to the bride? I
have never seen this done; we opened our gift before we realized we had to
give it back???
The Etiquette Queen says:
I never heard of this before and it doesn't sound like a good idea to me.
What's the point? Only if each prize was a piece of something big.
Nicole Williams asked:
My husband and I just purchased our first home. We are very excited and
want to have a housewarming party to celebrate. Is it appropriate for us to
registry with a department store, so our guest will know exactly what is
needed? Or is this sort of tacky? Nicole Williams Maryland
The Etiquette Queen says:
Tacky to register, that's for brides and new babies. You might make
suggestions to close friends but accept what's given and hope you like it or
know where to exchange it.
Jane asked:
I am hosting an anniversary party for my parents. The problem is my
siblings will not be attending due to estrangement from my parents or living
distance. I have seen suggestions for family slide shows or pictures but these
would not be appropriate in my situation since these might make my parents or
the guests uncomfortable. Do you have any suggestions for special activities
or entertainment for my situation? Also, I can't afford to have small
children. Would saying "adult event 16 and over" on the invitation
be ok?
The Etiquette Queen says:
First the easy part, just say no children under a certain age. Give the
guests plenty of time to arrange for childcare. You could have each guest
bring a photo and a memory of your parents. That way you can have nostalgia
without discomfort. Blow up a funny picture and remove the face and take Polaroid's
of photos of the guests sticking their faces through the hole. Play
children's games such as pin the tail and blow bubbles. Go to the dollar store
for toys.
Rhonda asked:
My son is a Senior this year with all the expense that goes with being a
Senior. To help with the expenses he has ask us to have a small dinner party
for him, his prom date and a few friends. Their Prom Theme (I don't want to
miss A thing). Sounds like fun. Any ideas would be GREAT!!
The Etiquette Queen says:
Check out the site at party411/graduation.com. If you still have questions,
write back. Sounds like a great idea to me.
Elli Zimmerman asked:
Please tell me where I can find an etiquette class for a seven year old
girl in Atlanta. I know that they must exist but I cannot seem to track one
down. We have a family wedding weekend and I would love to send her before we
go for a brush up.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Anything a 7 year old would need to know can be taught to her by her mom,
dad, grandparents, etc. You don't need to spend money at a class. I'm sure her
manners are just right for her age. Relax mom.
eileen asked:
when people come to my wedding, when should they be offered the chance to
pick up their 'escort' cards (with the table numbers on them?). I say after the
cocktail hour, just before they enter the ballroom for dinner, but my mother
and future mother-in-law think it should be when they first get to the hotel
and come in for the ceremony (people will be seated on the side of the
ballroom, which will be set up for the ceremony, then leave the room for a
cocktail reception, and then re-enter the ballroom for dinner. All of this
takes place in the ballroom and the accompanying foyer). What do you think?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I think that it's your wedding and should be he way you want it. By the
way, you are right, the table is placed outside the room.
Eric Biljetina asked:
What is the proper way to eat a salad that has the dressing on the side? Is
it poor the dressing over the salad, mix and eat? Or, is it dip the salad into
the dressing? Or, is it dip you fork into the dressing and then eat a piece of
your salad?
The Etiquette Queen says:
If it's you personal dressing, do what every you want. If it is in a bowl
to share, pour what you want and pass it.
Mark asked:
I have to do some research on etiquette during the 1920s. I was wondering
if you had any of these social behaviors that can make a three page essay. The
odder, the better. Thanks
The Etiquette Queen says:
Off hand don't know any specifics but here's is where you get creative.
Check under social mores of that time. I do know that people were kinder and
gentler and there are many "rules" legal and just accepted that we
would laugh at. Have fun.
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