The Etiquette Queen

Questions of Timing

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Jude asked:

What are some tactful ways to make sure all your guests >are gone by a certain time - besides "(yawn) I'm so tired." The >starting time of the wine tasting event was the only time listed on >the invite. Ooops! and responsible hospitality calls for an early >evening so people are not re-tasting all the wine and becoming >unable to drive home.

The Etiquette Queen says:

I would remove all of the wines when you would like to call it an evening. Actually, remove them about 1/2 hour prior to give people a chance to wind down and get the hint.

Catherine asked:

My brothers and I are giving a Golden Anniversary Party for our >parents. Which should we do first, the toast to our parents or grace >before the meal? The meal is buffet-style with the head table being >served family-style. Thanks for your help. >

The Etiquette Queen says:

I would do the toast first. It's hard to do grace before a buffet meal, so follow the toast with a very short grace if you think you need one.

Kimberley Cook asked:

Me and my sister are planning a surprise retirement party for my mother and we are having a disagreement on the way things should be done. The dilemma is this, which comes first, the speeches or dinner? Can you please help us. This is a very informal affair since it was such short notice. Thank you for your help.

The Etiquette Queen says:

Usually you feed the people before the speeches but there are no actual rules. You could even have some before, some during and some after.

Kimberley Cook asked:

Me and my sister are planning a surprise retirement party for my mother and we are having a disagreement on the way things should be done. The dilemma is this, which comes first, the speeches or dinner? Can you please help us. This is a very informal affair since it was such short notice. Thank you for your help.

The Etiquette Queen says:

Usually you feed the people before the speeches but there are no actual rules. You could even have some before, some during and some after.

Helen Vollero asked:

When using chargers under your plates >for a formal dinner party, at what point >during the meal should the charger be >removed??

The Etiquette Queen says:

Just before the first course is served.

Helen Vollero asked:

When using chargers under your plates >for a formal dinner party, at what point >during the meal should the charger be >removed??

The Etiquette Queen says:

Before any food is served by the table server. Preset food doesn't count.

MELISSA asked:

HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY EXPERIENCE WITH A YOUNG CHILD'S B-DAY AND BAPTISM ALL IN THE SAME DAY NOT NECESSARILY AT THE SAME TIME OF DAY BUT IS THAT A POSSIBILITY JUST WANT TO KNOW ID WE WILL OFFEND ANYONE AND YES I KNOW SOMEONE IS BOUND TO BE OFFENDED BY >SOMETHING IF WE DO IT THIS WAY (TRUST ME)!!! HEELLLLLPPPPP >PLLLLEEEAAASSSSE!!! MELISSA MELISSAJ96@HOTMAIL.COM

The Etiquette Queen says:

Is this your child? Is this what you want to do? Are the people you invite good friends and family? Is there no religious rule against this? Once you have answered these questions, you will know what to do. DO WHAT YOU WANT!!! In life, someone always has something to say about every situation and you can't let that influence you all the time; otherwise, you will never progress.

Roxanne asked:

I just recently got engaged. I want to have an >engagement party. Do I have the party after I've told people or do >I tell them at the party?

The Etiquette Queen says:

Depends on whether you like to surprise people. Since this is not a shower or anything like that, no gifts are necessary. I think a surprise would be great. The hard part is not to tell anyone. Once you tell one person, you're dead about the surprise and it is just a wonderful party. Either way, you can't go wrong.

Valerie Jackson asked:

When should you have an engagement party?

The Etiquette Queen says:

It depends upon when the wedding party is happening. Usually the parties take place starting 2-3 months before the wedding. Some wait till a few weeks. Try and plan so that most of the people you want to attend are able to come.

Lisa asked:

Due to unfortunate circumstances my sons' graduation party has >been delayed for a full year. Is it still acceptable to give him a party. >He really deserves one for getting through high school. If this is >something that we can do , how would we announce and invite people? Also >he would rather be given money instead of gifts I feel it is rude to ask >this of your guests and wouldn't know how to ask if it wasn't. Thank you >for any advice you may give. >

The Etiquette Queen says:

It's never too late to celebrate a good thing. Make a joke of the whole delay in your invitation. Use something like "Better late than never! One of the things they didn't teach us in school is who to have a graduation party so it took us a year to figure it out. We may be slow, but we're thorough." As far as money in lieu of gifts, the only thing you can do is tell someone if they ask what he wants.

B.Columbo asked:

My five year olds birthday is December 28. We have never had a >party with friends - because -well the holidays are hectic for everyone. >I am considering having a party for her in July (Christmas in July - >Birthday in July). Is this in bad taste? >

The Etiquette Queen says:

I love the idea. Go for it. Anyone with a sense of humor will love it too and if anyone has a problem with it - too bad for them.

Cathy asked:

My siblings and I would like to throw a surprise 25th >anniversary party Although only three out of five will be paying for it my >sister and I were thinking buffet style with 50 close friends family and >grandchildren at on of our houses? IS this okay we were planning on >8/29/99 their actual is 8/30/99? >

The Etiquette Queen says:

Of course it's ok. Any time someone think enough of another to go the extra mile, the rules are out. Have fun!!!

Michelle asked:

Comments = It's been over a year since the wedding. I only sent out 1/2 of the thank you's. Is it too late to send out the rest?? And what should I say about the delay?? We have moved a few times.

The Etiquette Queen says:

Well, Michelle, you know what I say? Better late than never. Apologize for the delay. Tell them you haven't forgotten their generosity...it's just that with moving several times, blah blah blah, you had to send several thank yous at a time. But send them. Because when and if you have a baby, you want more gifts, right??!

Chris asked:

My partner and I have been in our first home for 1 month - we are already getting "hounded" about when the house warming party is. Can you suggest a proper time after one moves in that a party should be given?

The Etiquette Queen says:

Well, Chris, you don't want to wait too long unless you have a reason. For example, if you are in the middle of "renovating," you have the excuse that you will hold a housewarming when the house is ready "to be seen." If you aren't renovating, if you aren't waiting for furniture, if you aren't busy putting on finishing touches...better get your "behind" in gear--or your friends will be put off.

Pam asked:

How soon after you receive a high school graduation gift should you send a thank-you note. My daughter and I have had a disagreement on the timing. It is my belief that you should sent a thank-you within a week, two at most. She believes that you wait until after graduation which is 4 weeks away. Please help. Thanks

The Etiquette Queen says:

Mom! You are absolutely right. Thank you notes should be written within one week of receiving the gift. If your daughter waits until after graduation, some people may start calling to ask if she got the gift that they sent! Get out that pen, dear girl!

 

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