The
Etiquette Queen 
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VI asked:
I have many greeting cards and notes to send to friends and loved ones...
in this age of technology etc, is it appropriate to type personal notes to
include in greeting cards as both thank you's and greetings. I am afraid if I
don't sit down and type them, they won't get done again this year. I am a much
faster typist than hand scripting a note.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Go ahead and type. Just write a few script words at the end along with your
signature.
trish asked:
For an engagement party, should I invite same people I invite to the party
to the wedding or can I invite the people to the wedding and not the party????
The Etiquette Queen says:
Engagement parties are generally smaller than wedding in numbers. Just
remember not to offend anyone such as a relative or close friend.
Dawn asked:
I am getting married at 4:30 in the afternoon, what is the correct way to
state this in the invitation?
The Etiquette Queen says:
You just put the time and place of the ceremony on the invitation. Then put
the time and place of the reception.
terri asked:
After the busy holidays the last thing that I want to do is have another
party here at my house. My parents are having their 30th anniversary the end
of January. I would like to have a party at a restaurant but I'm not sure
about my budget. Is it ok to ask guests to pay a portion of the bill.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Yes, you can put that in the invitation. The least expensive meal is
usually a buffet; see what you can work out with the restaurant. Or you might
find a party room to use and ask everyone to pitch in with appetizers, main
meal and dessert and you supply the beverages, paper goods, decorations, ice,
etc.
Stephanie asked:
Who should birth announcements be sent to?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Anyone you would like to know about the birth of a child.
Erin asked:
What is the proper way to suggest to guest to bring "gag gifts"
instead of real gifts to a 25th anniversary party on the invitation?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Put that information on the invitation. I would probably send a funny sort
of invite.
Maureen asked:
Is it proper to invite family that lives out of state to your baby shower
knowing that they won't be able to attend?
The Etiquette Queen says:
It isn't very nice to do so. You sort of saying, I know you can't come but
send a present. If they are good enough to warrant an invitation to a shower,
they will probably send a present when the baby's born. The exception would be
if you are often in contact with them and feel that they would feel slighted.
Judith asked:
This is wedding etiquette I guess... maybe you can help...My fiancé and I
eloped on Christmas Eve and we want to send Announcements about the occasion.
On the outer envelope to be mailed out, do I put my married name since I'm
already married? Do I put his name only? or my maiden name and his name?
Help!!
The Etiquette Queen says:
Why not put Mr. and Mrs. John Smith (nee Brown) or John Smith and Judy
Brown Smith
Jenni asked:
Just a few days ago, for Christmas, I gave my new boyfriend's parents a
small tin of homemade goodies. A few days later, I was at their house for
lunch and was given a Christmas Gift (an Aromatic Candle). Do I send a thank
you note for the gift? I don't want to be perceived as a suck-up, but would
like to express gratitude for remembering me at Christmas. What should I do?
The Etiquette Queen says:
As I told the previous writer, I believe that any gift should be
acknowledged with a thank you note. It's not sucking up, it good manners.
trystan asked:
Should one send thank you's for xmas gifts? I've heard that this is the
only exception to the rule...
The Etiquette Queen says:
I believe that every gift should be acknowledged with a thank you note. If
someone takes the time to get you something, regardless of the occasion, you
should acknowledge that with a note.
Erin asked:
How do I tactfully ask in the invitation for guests to bring "gag
gifts" rather than real gifts to the surprise 25th anniversary party I am
throwing for my parents?
The Etiquette Queen says:
You just say it plainly in the invitation.
Kim asked:
How do you address and invitation for a family? Mr. and Mrs. _______ and
family or tom and helen ________ and family?
The Etiquette Queen says:
If you are close, use the latter; if not, use the former.
Nan asked:
We will soon be having a Bat Mitzvah. My daughter has a large religious
school class, but is only friendly with about half of the children. Some of
the others are very badly behaved. We will be having a nice luncheon at a
hotel, shortly after the service, (following a simple kiddush). The luncheon
will not include special music or activities geared towards the kids. In the
evening, we will be having a kids-only party with a DJ. My question is this:
is there any way to limit those invited to the luncheon to only part of the
class, and then invite everybody to the kid's party? How could this be done
without being rude?
The Etiquette Queen says:
You only send invitations to those you want to attend. If you were doing
this at the synagogue, it would be rude but most of the kids don't care about
the lunch. If it was my party, I would have the adults and those kids who are
in from out of town to the lunch and invite those kids you want for the
evening.
Kimberly asked:
Should Thank You notes for Baby Shower Gifts be given in person or is it
better Etiquette to mail them?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Whichever is the most convenient. As long as they get there, the delivery
method doesn't matter.
Miriam asked:
What is the proper way to address an invitation to a married couple if you
want to use both parties names and not the traditional form of Mr. and Mrs. John
Smith Thanks, Miriam
The Etiquette Queen says:
John and Mary Williams would do just fine.
Kim asked:
I'm having a 50th wedding anniversary party for my mom and dad. I want to
put no gifts, but want to say a money tree will be there. Is this ok. And if
so how would I put that on the invitations?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I'm not a big fan of the money tree thing and don't like to see one
mentioned on an invite. You can tell them when they RSVP.
Marie asked:
I am having a party for my 50th (I'm planning it - I didn't want a
surprise). We are look at invitations that are more formal. Would it be
correct to enclose a response card (similar to a wedding) addressed to my daughter? What type of wording would we use on the card? Also, what
would the time period by? How long before the party should they be sent out
(the party is Friday 4/14/00) at a restaurant. What would be a good RSVP day
to use on the response card? Thank you.
The Etiquette Queen says:
A response card is certainly a good idea. Usually a good time frame for
invitations is to send them about 6 weeks before the affair and ask for RSVPs
in the next 3 weeks. That gives you plenty of time to contact those who didn't
respond.
Morgan asked:
I was wondering if you had any fun ideas for invitations to a wedding that
will be in Las Vegas. A friend of mine will be getting married there this
summer and we were trying to think of some ideas for invitations!
The Etiquette Queen says:
Why not do something with dice or poker chips. Look at www.oriental.com for
some invitations and extras to include like a pair of dice or play money.
Andy asked:
How do you properly address an envelope in which the wife has her PH.D?
Does the husbands name still go first?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I have see variations of this so I'm not sure. I have seen: Dr. and Mr.
John Jones Mr. and Dr. John Jones (first name) and (first name) Jones Names on
separate lines. Take your pick. Someone will have something to say no matter
what you do. You might want to ask the couple what they prefer.
Kay asked:
Should I send an extra invite with the ones I'm giving out so that my
guests can be sure to have someone they'd get along with and dance with and
stuff?
The Etiquette Queen says:
No, you could put "and guest" on the invite and find out how many
when they RSVP.
doris asked:
I'm having a large Christmas party that will include: old co-workers,
family and friends (240). My problems is that I sent out rsvp cards and for
the most part received them back. But there are a few (old co-workers) that
have not even made the attempt to mail or phone me. The rsvp was due 1 Dec. and
as this is a sit down dinner/drinks/dancing I would like to know what I do
when they just show up and what if they have a guest?
The Etiquette Queen says:
If it was me, I would call to settle whether they will be attending and if
so, how many. This type of affair is usually a per-person, per-plate affair and
you wouldn't want to end up paying for more than come and don't want to be
embarrassed by unexpected guests. But I will say that no RSVP is certainly
rude and I would factor that in my decision to invite them again.
Stefani asked:
I want to throw a party, but procrastinated, and did not send invitations
in time. Is it ok for me to invite people via phone, email or in person (some
of them I work with, and don't have addresses for, etc.); then follow up later
by emailing/passing out directions and details to those I invited earlier?
Also, the party is to celebrate my birthday, I will be 30, and am very
excited, just wanted to have a bunch of people get together and have fun. Is
it wrong for me to throw my own birthday party? I do not expect any
gifts/that's not the point.
The Etiquette Queen says:
You may deliver an invitation any way it works to get it there. A good idea
is to provide a map (I use Yahoo's maps and enlarge and print out. ) And it is
certainly alright to give yourself your own party. If you don't want to make a
big thing out of it being your birthday, don't mention it as the reason.
Andrea asked:
I am giving a shower for a first time mom who has had two other showers. So
this shower is a "tea party" very personal. I would like to have
everyone contribute $10 or more so we could purchase some other the larger
items that she has not gotten (such as stroller, car seat, etc.). How do I go
about doing that? Would it be more appropriate to do that in the invitation or
over the telephone?
The Etiquette Queen says:
You could put it in the invitation. I wish more people did this, the big
stuff is so expensive and is really appreciated. Tell the guests what the gift
will be (decide ahead).
Kim asked:
I'm having a 50th wedding anniversary party for my parents, is it ok to put
no gifts on the invitations?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Certainly. Or you could put, in lieu of gifts, you may make a donation to
(name your folks favorite charity).
Sue asked:
How to I address the envelope to a woman who was widowed this year? Is it
Mrs. HerName LastName or Mrs. HisName LastName?
The Etiquette Queen says:
When my father died, my mom preferred Mrs. John Smith out of respect.
Stacy asked:
I'm having a titanic party where do I find the invitations? thanx
The Etiquette Queen says:
1. We can make them for you at a price. 2. check www.oriental.com 3. Scan a
pic and make them yourself.
Valerie asked:
When is the most appropriate time to mail Christmas cards (two weeks before
Christmas or one week before)? I also have cards for Jewish friends. Should
these go out at the same time or slightly earlier?
The Etiquette Queen says:
As long as cards arrive before the holidays, any time is good. I love
getting them early so that I can display them for a while.
R. Steel asked:
What is the proper etiquette in sending out birthday invitations where the
guests are expected to pay for their food?
The Etiquette Queen says:
You put the price per person on the invitation.
Iona asked:
I am having New Years Eve party at my new home. I have limited space, what
can I say on the invitation that will let my guests know that they can NOT
bring other friends with them, besides RSVP? Thanks
The Etiquette Queen says:
Well, you could put invited guest only but I would be more gentle and tell
them when they RSVP.
Pamela asked:
We received an invitation to a holiday open house. Underneath the word open
house is the word Stellacot. What does this mean?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I have no idea. Never heard of this. Ask your hostess and let me know.
Nicolle asked:
I would like to know what is a nice way of writing in an Invitation that I
don't want children to attend. Thank You
The Etiquette Queen says:
Put "Adults only"
Wayne asked:
How do you address mail to someone who is recently widowed? Should you
still use "Mrs. John Doe"?
The Etiquette Queen says:
A lot depends upon the circumstances. I usually keep it Mrs. John Doe for a
while until that person tell me otherwise. Shows a sign of respect.
patti asked:
Save-the-date is it important to send out a card for that indicating hotel
info, etc. what do they usually say and what info is required to be put on is a card that is sent 4-6 months earlier.
The Etiquette Queen says:
I would do so. I know that I like that info to plan ahead. Date, time,
place, list of activities going on so I know how to pack.
Kimberly asked:
My daughter's birthday is on Christmas Eve. She would like to celebrate her
birthday in June at the beach. Is it inappropriate to celebrate her birthday 6
mos. later? If not, how would I word the invitation?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I think you could be very clever about it. Send the "reminder"
invitation in Dec. Say that due to much reindeer traffic and weather
conditions, you are postponing the birthday celebration til it all clears up
in June. Add that there will be periodic updates with info. Then every so
often, send a small reminder (something cute) and then the real invitation in
April.
Iona asked:
I am having New Years Eve party at my new home. I have limited space, what
can I say on the invitation that will let my guests know that they can NOT
bring other friends with them, besides RSVP? Thanks
The Etiquette Queen says:
You must say that this is not an open party due to space limitations and
that if someone would like to include someone else, they have to check with
you first.
Nicolle asked:
I'm having a sweet sixteen party for my daughter, I was wondering if is
proper to write in the invitations what they should wear, the party is very
formal and it is at 7:30PM, I really would like everybody to dress very
elegant, can you please tell me how to do this. Thank You
The Etiquette Queen says:
Under the different categories like time, place, date, etc. add attire and
write formal.
chris asked:
I am hosting a rehearsal dinner for my son's wedding. I am making the
invitations myself. Please show me the appropriate wording to use. Do I need
to spell out Junior and Senior in my son & husbands name? The time is
6:30, do I put in the evening or p.m.? Do I spell honor or honour as the
rehearsal is at the church but the dinner is at a restaurant afterward? If I
say, "rehearsal at the Church at 6:30," do I capitalize Church?
Help, please!
The Etiquette Queen says:
First of all, look at invitation books at different copy centers to see the
different wording and you don't need to spell out Junior or Senior. Use P.M.
In the U.S. it's honor, honour in Great Britain. You only need to capitalize
church if you are giving the name of the actual church. That may not be a bad
idea so that everyone knows where to go. Finally, relax. It will be OK
Gina asked:
I'm planning a formal sweet sixteenth birthday for my daughter. Please tell
me how can let people know that children are not invited. Should her response
cards say that? If so, how will I word it. I'll be ordering them from a
wedding invitation catalog. Also, do you have any suggestions as to how I
should word the invitations?
The Etiquette Queen says:
You may put Adults Only on the invitation. Then the number of attending
will not be a problem for you to figure out. There are many examples of
wording of invitations. Go to the library or look on line.
Jessie asked:
What is the correct way to address a divorced woman? Would you use Ms. or
Mrs.; especially if they have gone back to their maiden name? Please
help- I need the answer ASAP- Thanks
The Etiquette Queen says:
If they have gone back to their maiden name then Mrs. is not right. Use Ms.
Angela asked:
I need a catchy phrase for a retirement invitation from the workplace. We
are also collecting money to purchase a gift for the retirees.
The Etiquette Queen says:
Use a picture of a camera and use the phrase: We all have a telephoto
memory, just some of us are out of film.
Dick asked:
Is correspondence to a widowed woman addressed any differently than a
single woman? Is it proper to simply use the first name?
The Etiquette Queen says:
You would use whatever address you normally used when she was still
married. If you used her first name before, do so. Most widows usually prefer
Mrs. John Doe as a sign of respect.
Kate asked:
When you have Christmas Cards printed with your name do you also sign the
card?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Yes if you want it to show a personal touch; I always add a personal note.
Pam asked:
When sending thank you notes, is it taboo to thank someone for a shower
gift and wedding gift in the same note?
The Etiquette Queen says:
If the gifts were fairly close in timing, you may do so but if more than
2-3 weeks apart, do it separately. Sounds silly but people take time and
trouble to select a gift and this shows acknowledgment of that effort.
JZ asked:
How long is proper etiquette for sending a thank-you card?
The Etiquette Queen says:
I always feel the sooner the better but usually within 2 months.
Stephanie asked:
If the hosts of a party would like to indicate their proper professional
titles as doctors: Should it be "Dr. John and Dr. Jane Doe request the
honor of your presence..."? or "Drs. John and Jane Doe..."? or
"Dr. and Dr. John and Jane Doe..."?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Drs. is the smallest mouthful and seems the least pretentious.
Joanna asked:
This is my first marriage and I'm so excited but unfortunately my parents
have no money to contribute to the wedding. Robert (the one I'm marrying) and I
have decided to split the bill right down n the middle. The problem is I do not
know how to word the invitations. Robert and I are the ones paying but are
parents have always given us love and support and we want to honor both of
them. How would I word our invitations? Please help!
The Etiquette Queen says:
Say something like After years of love and support from our parents (put in
their names) we are becoming one and sharing our blessings. Won't you join us
(date, time, etc.) in celebration.
Lynn asked:
How should I address an envelope to a married couple when his name in John
Smith and her name is Mary Jones-Smith?
The Etiquette Queen says:
Put Mr. John Smith and Ms. Mary Jones-Smith
Jasmine asked:
I'm giving my mom a surprise 50th birthday party. It's just a small affair
about 50 people in a restaurant. I wanted to know if it's alright to call
people who are going, to notify them to be there by 7 because we are planning
to bring my mom to the restaurant at 7:30pm.
The Etiquette Queen says:
If you are sending written invitations, put that info on the invitation and
tell them again when they RSVP. If you are doing it by word of mouth, tell
them then.
Aimee asked:
Three of us are planning an engagement party. Since this event falls during
the holidays, we are not able to spend a ton of money. How do we word the
invitation to request that attendees bring their favorite spirit? We are
providing the food, beer, and some wine. But most of our friends are lushes
and we need to let them know in advance that we can not afford to get them liquored
up--to say it nicely! All suggestions welcome--thank you!
The Etiquette Queen says:
You include the letter BYOB. that stands for Bring Your Own Booze.
COLEEN asked:
What can you say on an invitation that will mean that a gift is not
necessary when you know that some of the invitees want to bring a gift and in
fact, have already purchased that gift?
The Etiquette Queen says:
You don't say anything. Those that want to bring one will and those that
don't won't. Just accept the gifts graciously and put them on a table to be
opened after the affair.
Kim asked:
I am planning a small private wedding ceremony out of town next fall. When
we returned home, we wanted to have an evening reception to celebrate our
marriage. Does the six week notice still apply in this situation? We were not
wanting to tell anybody til after the ceremony. We were going to mail the
reception invitations in Las Vegas and have the reception the following week
or two. Should we wait til 6 weeks after our ceremony? Thanks for your help!!!
The Etiquette Queen says:
You can have it whenever it is convenient for you to do so. Why not mail
the invitations prior to the ceremony to work out time wise.
See more Etiquette Queen Questions on
Invitations & Mailings
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